Thoughts on Kids + Working

To say that adding a new baby child to the mix has been a challenge would be an understatement. It has been challenging x2.

It has also been amazingly fun and a huge gift. This little guy has the sweetest personality and it has been so cool to see how Solomiya interacts with him. (She LOVES him.)

At the same time, I have had to completely stop my work in OT at the present (and pretty much everything else) and this has been hard. 

For the past couple of months, the question of "What am I doing here?" has been looming over my head every day. Feeling guilty b/c I should be involved in ministry and helping others through providing occupational therapy; and feeling guilty b/c these 2 little kids need me and I shouldn't think about leaving them to help others; and feeling guilty b/c we are held accountable for how we spend our time and money here. 

I was venting my frustration to Mike and he reminded me of a passage from a book. This woman (Dr Margaret Brand) was a medical missionary in India and raised 6 kids: 

"The psalmist says that children are a heritage from the Lord and a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3-4). A heritage is a gift we haven't earned. We don't earn our children, nor do we own them. They are the Lord's. His to give for a while. His to use in His kingdom. As a parent, I was aware of the awesome responsibility of my temporary assignment in nurturing them for the Lord- getting the right balance of toughness and love, of teaching by word and by example."

So- I've been pondering on these words for the past couple of weeks. 

I don't own these kids, but God has made me responsible for their upbringing. 

That is a scary thought. I don't want to screw them up.

This is a daunting task. 

This definitely looks like a daily ministry right there. 

But, I struggle with missing my old schedule.

I think I miss it all so much b/c it was easy. It was comfortable. It was definitely challenging at times, but I loved it. 

Being a mom 24/7 is hard. Being a good example 24/7, in my words, in my actions, is even harder. Being patient 24/7 is freaking hard. Oh my goodness. 

God is definitely using this time to show me all the areas I need to work on. 

When I told my almost 3 year old, "You need to speak to people nicely even if you are tired/hungry/mad etc...", I heard God say, "Interesting! You should do the same thing, right?!".  

So... we move on to a new phase in our lives here.